10 Ways To Combat The Trauma And Anxiety Of Being Bullied
If a person becomes (irrationally) anxious in social situations, but seems better when they are alone, then "social anxiety" may be the problem. Social anxiety is the fear of being negatively judged and evaluated by family, friends or strangers. Oftentimes, the anxiety symptoms are matched with feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, self-consciousness, embarrassment, humiliation, and depression.It affects over 36 percent of the population and remains untreated in most cases.
I myself suffered for years as a result of being heavily bullied from middle school through high school. When I think back to that time in my life I remember little, in fact, I think I blocked it from my memory entirely! That may be the case, but the damage it caused within me at that time left me fractured and in a state of emotional chaos. Years of spiritual healing and therapy helped me navigate through this traumatic time until I was ready to face it, heal it and release it. I am not saying I am perfect, sure, it creeps up now and again, but I now have the tools to combat the negative emotions and self-berating thoughts caused by this trauma.
Have you or do you know someone who has been bullied? If the answer is yes, then you know the pain it caused; the inability to be yourself in groups without the fear that "They're all gonna laugh at you", the fear you felt when having to speak up in class and how hard it wasto make new friends. In my experience victims go into a state of hiding and most often do not share their experience due to embarrassment and shame. I never spoke of my life as being bullied because if I did it would verify the fact that I was an outcast, un-loveableand different. In today's day and age, where social media is concerned, children can no longer hide because bullies use Facebook, Instagram and the like to target them, thus making their hatred viral. In these cases, victims have nowhere to hide. The bullying doesn't end at school, but becomes a public stoning. This has led to teen suicides over the years.
In recent years the subject of bullying has come into the forefront of media. For instance, Lady Gaga and her Born This Way Foundation has shed light on this matter, giving children an outlet to feel safe speaking about their experience and the confidence to know that they are not alone. She has created an entire culture where it's not onlycool to be different, it's encouraged. She has been quoted saying, "I've been actually reallyverypleased to see how much awareness was raised around bullying, and how deeply it affects everyone. You know, you don't have to be the loserkid in high school to be bullied. Bullying and being picked on comes in so manydifferentforms".
Gaga is saying that anyone can be a victim of bullying. Kids pick on those who are more vulnerable, loving, smart, talented, and creative as much as they do those who are too fat, skinny, gay, quiet, ugly,etc. Everyone is at risk!
The cure for bullying lives within the rearing of children. Those that bully were raised to feel different themselves. They may have been abused by family members or taught that people who are different are evil. They could have an anxious over-bearing mother or an angry father whose values lean more towards self-preservation than social acceptance. Whatever the case may be, their home environment has caused them to act out in a way that is mal-adaptive to society and this behavior may continue into adulthood. The truth is, there isno cure other than teaching our children to love and respect each other and until we are living in a world where love trumps hate, we will be dealing with bullies in all forms, at all ages and on all fronts.
"Careful the things you say, children will listen. Careful the things you do children will see and learn. Children may not obey, but still they will listen. Children will look to you for which way to turn, for which way to look. Careful before you say, Listen to me. Children will listen." - Steven Sondheim
10 ways to overcome the trauma of being bullied
1: Find a therapist or healer to open up and share your story with. Bullying has profound effects on your psyche. Sometimes it's exactlywhat to blame!
2: Avoid seclusion! Reach out to people, groups and spiritual organizations and get involved. Find your tribe! Meetup.com is a great way to find people that share your interests.
3: Forgiveness! Work with a therapist or healer on forgiving your bullies. They were innocent children until they learned to hate. You have no idea what their home life was like. Find compassion for them. Write a letter to your biggest bully then burn it!
4: Work on your thinking! Being bullied often leaves the victim with a "bully mind." Watch out for all self-berating false thinking and thoughts that make you feel less than. Be careful when judging others..don't become the bully! Practice the simple affirmation, "I love and approve of myself as I am now!"
5: Use your experience as the fuel and motivation to "go out and get 'em." Turn the negative energy into positive and put all efforts towards achieving your dream...as long as love is the underlying intention you will find a seance of purpose and belonging!
6: Teach! School others on the importance of love and acceptance. Write a blog, make videos and or volunteer at children and teen based programs.
7: Turn to service! Volunteer at local teen shelters or at a child based anti-bully program. A great one is the big brother/sister program via your local LGBTQ center. Become a positive role model for those suffering as you did. Check out all local volunteer opportunities.
8: WIN! Nothing feels better than to prove to yourself that you are worthy! Get out there and live life! Choose joy by placing all efforts towards self-love. Show those bullies a beautiful, smiling face ...if they could see you now!
9: Build a solid spiritual foundation! Find and nurture an authentic relationship with God in whichever way feels right for you! Read inspirational books, meditate, do yoga, learn reiki, take classes, go on retreats and do whatever else feels good. Spirituality gives us the gift of faith, hope and grace and provides the zen within an uncomfortable storm. It saved me!
10: Relocate? It's not uncommon for victims of childhood bullying to feel the need to move to another area. If this is you, follow your gut! Keep in mind, if you are moving to escape yourself you will run into trouble. Finding your tribe is super necessary so if you were bullied because of race, gender or creed it may be wise to find a more progressive and accepting place. Creatives are often casualties and seek a place where they can freely be themselves and create their art.
Author: James Bene, owner of Bene Mudra Wellness benemudra.com Follow on Facebook Insta: @benemudra @jamesbene
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